PullingTheLine.com

Reverse Cup Check
I arrived at Dominguez Hills around 11:00am, assuming I had plenty of time to warm up prior to my bracket being called.  All masters purple belts were scheduled for 11:20am, so I figured Middle weight wouldn’t be competing until roughly 11:45am.  My theory was shot to hell when, at 11:15am, they announced my name.  I hadn’t warmed up at all, aside from throwing my legs over my head a few times, but felt mentally ready to go.  I weighed in at 180lbs, a full pound underweight, and during the gi check, I was forced to remove my athletic supporter. 

(This is a pet peeve of mine.  There is a very real possibility that I could leave the mat no longer able to carry on the species.  No toe holds for purple belts, God forbid, but let your junk swing freely, competitors, and defend the hook sweep at all costs.  This is to say nothing of the twisted incentive it creates to give your opponent a nudge in the swim suit area.  I would never think of doing such a thing, but I am not Brazilian, and for some reason, our sport is crawling with those Samba-dancing, soccer-playing, thong-wearing, South American lunatics whose idea of cheering someone on is to yell “Jism!” (Porra!) every time they score a point, which I believe is just a subtle reminder to target the groin.  I understand the athletic supporter creates a fulcrum for arm bars, and makes for an uncomfortable bottom back mount, however, these small advantages are minor in comparison to the grand Darwinian scheme of things in which the true gold medalists are those who pass their genes onto the next generation.)

I walked over to mat six, and was surprised how many of my teammates came to watch, as I was the only one competing from my academy that day.  I assumed that, being an asshole, people wouldn’t go out of their way to watch me compete, but that wasn’t the case at all!  Now, I feel liberated in being an asshole, and imagine this will translate into acting out (e.g. Victory laps upon knee-baring featherweights [see below]) a bit more these days.

Match #1
I got an unlucky draw in the brackets.  There were five competitors in my age/weight/belt division which meant three competitors received bis into the quarter finals, and two of us had to compete to make it into the quarter finals.  I am VERY pro-bi, and was upset I didn’t receive one as it made me feel like I was being labeled small minded and old fashioned.  (If they only knew what I fan I am of Frida Kahlo!) 

Furthermore, my first match was against the Las Vegas open winner, who apparently had one hell of a triangle based on my pre competition scouting report (conducted by myself, alone, at my computer the night before).  He pulled guard right away, and I attempted the bullfighter pass a few times before passing one knee and diving into his half guard.  While on top, my opponent felt extremely light, and comparatively weak, and I probably outweighed him by quite a bit.  I flattened him out for an advantage point, and figured, as I was up one (advantage) point, I would play conservative, and only attempt to pass into side control if he unlocked his half guard, and respectfully asked me to, pretty please, pass my guard.  He eventually worked his way back to open guard, with really tight grips, and threatened the triangle and sweeps for three minutes before time ran out.  I felt relieved.  The first match is always a huge adrenaline dump, and I had built this guy up in my head with his recent competition win, his Brazilian heritage, and the clear edge he had over everyone in hotness.

Match #2
The second match was much more intense, against a competitor featured in Gracie Mag.  For three minutes, we played standup, with neither of us coming close to a takedown.  My opponent was a lot more active, but never shot in.  I was expecting the shot, and was preparing to sprawl, and immediately attempt a back take, so I was really surprised when he pulled guard, and not only pulled guard, but pulled closed guard with my posture broken.  That being said, I was relieved to have the match on the ground.

I took my time regaining my posture while fending off choke attempts, and was able to open his guard and attempt to work for a pass.  This guy had really tight grips as well, and was attacking pretty consistently until the last thirty seconds or so in which I attempted to isolate his leg and come around the side for a guard pass.  I was lacking in technique, and my opponent was super flexible, and was blocking my way with his leg. 

I kept trying to turn the corner around the damn near doublejointed leg, but was never able to pass and time ran out.  I believe the ref gave me the win for attempting to pass, but I wouldn’t have been upset (or surprised) in the least bit had the ref awarded it to my opponent, as I feel like it could have gone either way.  (Thankfully, my opponent wasn't Brazilian).

Match #3

The third match was against a big, unsmiling Brazilian with a shaved head.  We shook hands, and I was immediately suspicious of his extremely rigid stand up posture.  He didn’t appear interested in engaging or pulling guard, and his lead leg was nakedly exposed for a take down, and then, I swear, the lead leg began talking to me in a cooing voice, telling me to shoot for a single leg.  So I did, reaching with my arms rather than closing the distance with my body, and he sprawled out of bounds and we restarted.  Again, the lead led spoke to me, whispering “I’m right here for you.  Take me!  Take me, now!”  I started second guessing myself.  In retrospect, I don’t think this guy had a very well developed standup game, however, after my first lousy shot, followed by voices emanating from his leg made me think that he was baiting me for something, which is stupid, but in the moment seemed logical.

Eventually, he pulled butterfly guard, I passed into half-guard, and we spent a lot of the match with me attempting a gi wrap to flatten him out for an advantage point with virtually no offense on his part.  I had his back on the ground a couple of times, which I thought earned me an advantage point, but it turned out that wasn’t the case when I looked at the scoreboard after the match had ended.  0-0, 0-0.  But the ref raised my hand, and I was the American Nationals Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Gold Medalist for Masters Purple Belt Medio (Middle weight) division 2010, and 6-0 in my two American National's competitions.  It was not pretty.  It was not a great performance.  But I have to admit it felt great to win.

An exclusive after-party featured copious amounts of dark ale and rediculously unhealthy food.  Thankfully, Applebees has no restrictions on athletic supporters (or calories for that matter) and my dining companions had no problem with me shoveling food into my mouth with both hands.

So I cleaned up my diet and amped up my training.  I limited my carb intake to one serving a day.  I ate a healthy breakfast every morning of a banana, apple, and hard boiled egg.  I ate salads for lunch consisting of spinach, broccoli, tomatoes, cheese, bell peppers, and either chicken or tuna.  I made four or five of these salads on Sunday night, and they stayed fresh throughout the work week (I've found that if my diet requires any more than a minimal effort, I can never stick with it.)  For dinner after training, I drank Whole Foods ™ vanilla protein powder and water, which did not taste all that great, but I got used to it.  I stopped drinking the delicious nectar that is Fat Tire Amber Ale.  I trained four or five times a week, often for two classes, and before long I lost 15 pounds which was enough to drop me down to the Medio (Middle) weight division.  Physically, I was in really good shape, and sometimes after two hours of training, I wasn’t as tired as I thought I should be, so I did pushups and sit ups until exhaustion after class.  I was sort of like Rocky preparing to fight the Russian, only I was not training half way around the world in a rural cabin, and was competing in a completely different sport, and other minor differences that it would be pointless to go into because they do not further my narrative, which is admittedly, going down a rabbit hole.

Then I hurt my knee, which set back my cardio significantly.  Without that extra endurance, and with the weight loss, I felt like I was regressing because I couldn’t throw my flab into sweeps, and use my fat ass as an advantage.  As my knee gradually improved, I stepped up my training to the point of overtraining.  I felt even weaker, but tapered in the last week leading up to the U.S. Nationals Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament.  Captain Caveman worked with me on takedowns on Tuesday, and when I got back home, and the adrenaline had worn off from the session, my left leg felt as though someone was stabbing a hot poker into the back of my upper calf that was radiating down to my feet and up to my hamstrings.  I don’t remember how I did it, but somehow I managed to badly pull the upper calf muscle.  I tried to train on it on Wednesday, but was simply unable due to the pain.

I consulted a Medical Doctor, iced, elevated, wrapped the leg, and chewed Advil™ like gummy bears.  (Advil™ has a candy coating that, in comparison to protein mix and water shake, tastes sublime.)  I was hovering right around my target weight, but I couldn’t train, and therefore, couldn’t eat.  I was 50-50, and hoping I hadn’t just dropped $85 for a T-shirt and Gracie Mag, and felt sort of silly starving myself for possibly no reason.

I was injured enough to head over to my local Scientology center to detox my body from thetans.  Once the thetans were removed from my system, me knee felt significantly better.  For those of you that think Scientology is a joke, I urge you to take a simple personality test.  Tom Cruise, perhaps the most successful man in America, is a Scientologist therefore it logically follows that Scientology is legit.  Now you might not agree with some of the more fantastic claims of this religion, but that lack of understanding is born of thetans, my friend, and you are better off without them.

I starved myself Thursday, Friday, and Saturday so that I could carbo-load Saturday night, and eat a good breakfast Sunday morning (Otmeal, Banana, Fist full of Advil).  On the way to California State University, Dominguez Hills, I listened to AMG’s Bitch Betta Have My Money on eleven, a song that can be questioned for its misogyny, but not for its ability to motivate my Jiu Jitsu game.

When I walked in the door, the Advil ™ had kicked in, and I didn’t feel my pulled muscle at all.  I slept well the night before, and wouldn’t have any excuses for not performing at my peak.

Next - IBJJF Brazilian Jiu Jitsu American Nationals 2010 - KingofCrazy's Story - Part 3 -"Competing"

On Sunday, September 26^th, 2010, I won the adult medio (middle weight) masters purple belt division at the American Nationals Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament spectacular.  I won three matches by the slimmest of margins, in fact, it would have been difficult to have won with a more underwhelming performance.  I did not perform a single technique.  There were no guard passes, mounts, sweeps, back takes, takedowns, throws, guard pulls, and certainly no submissions.  If there was an open division for lamest gold medal performance spanning all divisions, I would have beaten out even the competitors with nobody else in their brackets.  My matches were video taped, but I plan on destroying the evidence as quickly as possible.  I managed to win, and yet feel great shame in victory.  Sure, my name is emboldened in ibjjf.org’s crappy web site, however, I am crossing my fingers that only a few people saw me compete.  If Helio were alive today, he would be on his way from Brazil to kick my ass. 

I’m sure the three people that read this web site are dying of curiosity.  They are thinking, “KingOfCrazy, how did you manage to win/bore everyone to tears with your unique brand of sloth-jitsu?  Why didn’t you let us know that you were planning on competing ahead of time?  Why don't you know how to tie your belt?”

OK, fine.  I will tell you, but only as a cautionary tale.

About four or five months ago, I knew that the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu 2010 National Championships were coming up.  I had won the blue belt masters division in 2008, and it dawned on me that I hadn’t competed in almost two years. 

Back then, I was eating a lot, and drinking like a seaman on shore leave.  I weighed 190 pounds, a good portion of which was bacon grease and arterial plaque.  I became friends with the drive thru workers at Carl Jr’s, who knew me from my order of #8 bacon avocado cheeseburger with an Oreo Cookie Milkshake.  Yes, I would like some ketchup, thank you, and how was Ricky’s first day of school?  I was drinking copious amounts of ale.  I was fat and happy.  I was smoking cigarettes.  I was abusing prescription medication.  In retrospect, those were damned good times.

But I knew that if I wanted to compete at Nationals, I would have to get my (increasing fat) ass into shape.  I was training a lot, but the last thing I wanted was to show up at the tourney, and not look as hot as possible.  I knew I would be competing (so to speak) against a teammate who played a topless jeans model on TV's Cougartown, so I had a lot of work to do...

Monstro has returned!  I must apologize for my absence as my life outside of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has gotten in the way.  But enough about me and my "dark place"...

This weekend brings us the IBJJF’s 2010 American National Gi Tournament!  As always, Monstro will be watching from the stands as, once again, Southern California is invaded with worlds class Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  Then again, every day out here is filled with top notch BJJ as So Cal can more accurately be described as “Little Rio.”

What follows is my analysis based on the competitor list from the IBJJF website as of 9:17 PM September 23rd, 2010, T-1.5 days 'till the fun starts.  (As a side note to IBJJF.org - Seriously, bros, you need to revamp your web site!  Are you trying to confuse and thwart would-be competitors?)

Brown Belt:

Medio

I can't wait for this division!  My favorite to win, Tim Peterson (see above), placed 3^rd this year at Pan Am's losing only to the eventual winner, Zak Maxwell, who incidentally is making his debut at black belt.  Aside from Tim, another contender will be Sean Roberts.  Sean is a brand new Ralph Gracie Brown belt, but has had a meteoric rise in the BJJ world.  I believe he has been only training for 3 – 4 years in which time he has medaled at essentially every event, and came in 3^rd in his division at this year’s World Championships.

Medio Pesado

I have Erik Anderson winning as he has been on a roll as of late, winning two medals at this year’s World’s, and beating Ian McPherson, one of the best brown belts, during the semi’s.

Super Pesado

James Puopolo will win as this Rafael Lovato prodigy has time and again proven to be a game competitor.

Pesadissimo

Jarrod Bunch should be the favorite here, and possible contender to win the absolute.  Yes, this is the same Jarrod Bunch who played fullback for Michigan, and eventually for the NY Giants, and yes he is over 40 years old!

Black Belt:

Pluma:

Caio Terra!  Caio Terra!  Caio Terra!  I am huge fan of his game.   Caio is extremely dynamic, always moving, and ALWAYS looking for the submission.  I am sure that Caio is still disappointed about this year’s Mundial Finals where he lost a very controversial match to Bruno Malfacine.  Finals prediction is Caio vs. Laercio Fernandes – who is coming off a 3^rd place finish at this year’s World’s.

Pena:

We at Pullingtheline.com will be watching this division intently.  A good friend, and former teacher, Gustavo Carpio will be competing.  Gustavo was promoted to black belt at the beginning of the year, and has already thrown himself to the wolves with fights against Cobrinha at the Pan’s and Rafa Mendes at the World’s.   This is going to be a stacked division as there are several fighters with equal chances of winning this group.  There is the eternal competitor in Wellington “Megaton” Dias who competes at every single tournament in the Adult division, in spite of the fact that he is in his Mid 40’s!  Johnny Ramirez, Samir Chantre, and Baret Yoshida could win this one as well.  While there are only six fighters in this division, every match is going to be a championship-caliber fight.

Leve

The three names I will be watching are Zak Maxwell, Phillipe “Furao” Della Monica, and Jonatas Gurgel.  I'll wager several kilos of oreos (double-stuff) on anyone who feels that one of these three will not be standing on the top step with a faux gold, and very square object around his neck. 

Medio

There are only four competitors in this division, and each one has a shot at winning.  The teammates Clark Gracie and Ryan Beauregard are both newly minted black belts as of this year, and will be on opposite ends of the bracket.  They face some very tough competition in Marcelo “Lapela” Mafra and Rodrigo Texiera.  I remember Rodrigo from the U.S. Nationals two years ago when he pulled off the massive upset against beat Bill “The Grill” Cooper  (who, by the way, has a super fight with Nino Schembri in October.)  I have to think experience will win in this one out, and we'll see Lapela vs. Texeira in the final with Marcelo taking the win.

Medio Pesado

This is a first for Monstro here at Pullingtheline!  For once, I am only vaguely familiar with the competitors in this division.  Jared Nathanson is ALWAYS competing at the big events, but just as consistently seems to get unlucky draws.  My prediction is Bruno Antunes will win this division, based on him being from Gracie Florianopolis which is in Brazil and this is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu competition, often with Brazilian judges who, while impeccable in fairness, radiate Brazilian energy at such high levels that Brazilian competitors always seem to do better with Brazilian judges.

Pesado

The lone competitor in this division is Carlos Gomez, who wins assuming he makes weight, cuts his finger and toe nails, wears a higenic gi, and does not kick his opponent's in the groin after the handshake.

Super Pesado

The Nova Uniao stalwart, Bruno Bastos, will take this one with his stellar half guard, and is my favorite to win the absolute if he competes.

Pesadissimo

Stephen Hall vs. Leo Santos, now this will be a very interesting matchup. “Pesadelo Triangulo” as Hall is known travels all over the world to compete - Stephen maybe one of the most active American competitors out there.  Leo Santos is just a beast of a man!  I think that the strength edge here is in his favor, very interested to see how this one goes.

Purple Belt:

Last, but not least, the single most compelling division of the entire U.S. Nationals is (of course) the Purple Master Medio Division.  This division is a no-brainer as Kingof Crazyshit aka “kingofcrazy” will best all comers by his sheer HOTNESS.

New white belts have been cycling into the academy, and a week ago, I was paired with one during the beginner class.  It seemed like he had been attending classes for maybe a month or two, but I didn’t even know his name, and in all seriousness, it’s up to white belts to introduce themselves to me (bearing gifts), and not the other way around.  There’s nothing worse than a petulant white belt.  A note to all you greenhorns out there.  Higher belts (i.e. purple and above) need love, respect, and tokens of grattitude. 
 
I started from bottom side control, and something immediately felt wrong.  This guy was not leaving me any space to move, his weight was solid on top of me, and he was controlling me extremely well.  I felt…pinned.  
 
“Who is this guy?” I thought to myself, “I know it feels like I’ve been getting worse these days, but how in the hell is this brand new white belt controlling me so well?”
 
I eventually escaped after a weird scramble (rather than using one of my awesome side control escapes), and then when it was my turn on top, I was doing really well until we got into another weird scramble, and he escaped.
 
Afterwards, I asked him if he had made a pact with the devil, or had trained somewhere else in which everyone is a white belt forever.
 
“Oh, I have a wrestling background,” he said modestly.
 
“High school?  College?”  I asked (hoping that he would say "College")
 
“College.”  He replied.  (Sweet)
 
“D1?  D2?  D3?” I asked.  (Please say D1!  Please say D1!)
 
“D1,” he replied.  (Whew)
 
“Yes,” I thought to myself, “you do indeed have a wrestling background.”

Today, I was completely and totally thrashed by Captain Caveman (see above).  I was submitted in 50 seconds (of a ten minute sparring session) by a cross collar choke.  I was submitted again, and perhaps a third time.  I can’t remember exactly because when I wasn’t tapping the mat, I had a shoulder in my chin, a knee on my stomach, or I was swallowing hair.  I haven’t been spanked like that in a long, long time.  I oughtweigh CC by a lot, but I couldn't move him at all.  I felt massively frustrated, but I think that was just to mask the instinctual reaction to curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth.

Most of the time, CC will give me some pointers after the match, but today he withheld comment, perhaps because he didn’t want to give me the advice I really needed, that is, “Stop sucking so much next time.”

In other, completley unrelated news, last week, our lead instructor/owner of the academy, Mandachuva, came back from Brazil with an interesting story.  He only trained a couple of times when he was back at home, including once with his first martial arts instructor, a Judo black belt in Barra De Juca.  Mandachuva went for a kimura from north/south, and wasn’t able to finish it when his opponent grabbed his own gi to defend.  After the match, his instructor reminded him of a move he had learned years ago, but had forgotten.  I guess it would be considered a “forearm slice.”  I don’t ever remember seeing a submission like this, and it’s a pretty cool move when someone defends the kimura...But you have to figure out how to get in top position first, which is a good question to ask someone who doesn't suck at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

Update:  I've hit the forearm slice a couple of times, but not against opponent's that really gave a damn about defending it.  (As an aside - I hate when people do not make even a cursory effort to defend a submission before tapping.  Not only are you stunting your own developing as a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu pracitioner, you are stunting mine as well you big jerk.)  I was going against Hoser this evening and as Hoser has a pair of testicles, he was not about to tap when I was only leveraging moderate pain on his forearm.  Afterwards, I asked Mandachuva what I was doing wrong, and he explained to me that while the first step is to shove your arm through the gap, once you post your hand and switch your hips, you need to pull out your arm a little, and then push your ass against your opponent's face.  I was making the mistake of digging my elbow into Hoser's chest, when I should have pulled back a little.  I think I'm going to ask Monstro for some pictures of this because I really dig this move, but I may or may not wear pants (depending upon who my training partner is).

There’s a new white belt in class named Shawn that I've worked with a few times recently.  He's a nice guy (a little goofy) with a lot of natural ability.  He remembers technique details really well right out of the gate, and he's naturally aggressive.  He's a pilot by trade, and an amateur photographer.  I was talking with him after class when his eyes glazed over and he asked me if he could take my picture.  Apparently, I was sitting in really good light.  I tried explaining to Shawn that this "good light" was actually my body radiating goodness and positive energy, which was both a blessing and a curse, but he would have none of it.

I don’t know much about photography, but this guy’s got some talent.

Next to leading warm ups, tapping people out is my favorite part of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  It's better than an ace in tennis, a home run in baseball, hitting the sliotar under crossbar in hurling, or receiving perfect 10s from all the judges in ballroom dancing (while looking fabulous doing so).  It is total pwnage.  Another human being submits to you.  They surrender power to you.  They are forced to acknowledge your superiority, if only for the sparring session that just took place.  I do not have much of a will to power, but I can't deny that I love to submit people.

Captain Caveman took Q&A on Saturday, and I asked for a badass choke from side mount.  CC obliged by teaching a gi wrap choke.  Since learning the choke, I've got two subs in training with it, and the thought occured to me, both times, that as much fun as any submission is, there is a particular thrill in throttling the hell out of someone with a collar choke.  It is probably the closest thing a civilized human being can do to killing someone else without injurying them.  Your hands are at your opponent's throat, their face is turning red, they are making gargling noises, and blood flow to their brain has been clamped shut.  In spite of the fact that they can end it at any moment, they are literally dying in your hands.  To continue with the choke and ignore the tap would be to murder your opponent.

And this is what we do for fun.  But damn, we're some messed up people!

About a month ago, I was on top of my game.  I was in great shape (see above), I was down to my competition weight, and I was looking forward to gearing up for the South Bay and American Nationals tournies.  Then I done messed up my knee, and it has taken a long time to heal.  I vowed to keep training as much as possible, skipping out of rolling, but staying active.  That went out the window when all hell broke loose at work, and now I'm chubby, my timing is off, and I'm lacking in cardio/warrior spirit.  I went from wearing a six pack to drinking a six pack, and I feel great shame.

My knee is getting better, and today Captain Cave Man, one of our black belt instructors, after thrashing me for seven minutes, encouraged me to look on the bright side, and focus on my bottom side control and mount as I'm going to spending a lot of time there for the next few weeks.  He's right, of course.

It was a good class.  The Captain taught a single leg takedown and Single Leg Defense.

I've been kicking around implementing a web-based encyclopedia of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu moves/techniques for a long time. I spent hundreds of hours on my first attempt, and made a lot of great progress when the hosting company I was working with deleted my web site (long, tragic, and boring story). It took me years to get over the loss enough to give it another shot. Many people do not create a single web site their entire lives, let alone create the single most important web site in the history of the Internet only to have it deleted by the ravings maniacs of SiteGr0und.com.

I'm mostly over it now, and think I have a few ideas to make it even more awesome, but I would love to receive some feedback. My vision is to have a place where anyone with Internet access can go to look up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu techniques. This place will have the techniques organized so they are easy to find. If I am consistently getting lost in bottom turtle guard, I can look up bottom turtle guard techniques quickly and easily. The techniques themselves will combine written descriptions with pictures and videos. Some of the content will be self generated, and some of the content will come from other web sites. Just as techniques are constantly evolving, the web-based techniques will be constantly evolving as well. If this kind of thing doesn't interest you, then why not, and also, what the hell is your problem you can leave right now and never come back to this web site because your not welcome here anymore.

For the rest of you, I'd love to hear some feedback, check out an example here.